Okay so now for a bit about my week. Like I said it was definitely hard. I had my first emotional breakdown on Thursday night. We were in class and we had three teachers in there all at once in this tiny classroom, pretty much shoving knowledge down our throat and giving us no time to breathe. It was a bit overwhelming. Then our boss teacher guy told us that we should be learning 50 vocab words a day, 15 phrases a day, at/and speaking at least 70% Tagalog at all times. WHAT?! Like I said, slightly overwhelming. I thought that I was doing really well with the language, studying hard, doing as much as I could and then for him to tell me that we're doing half as much as we should be, that was definitely a confidence KILLER. So class went on, I took deep breaths, I prayed so hard in my heart and in my mind, the teachers left, I held back tears, and we're all just trying to pick up our pieces of brain that had just exploded all over the floor when one of the Elders in my district asked if any of us needed a blessing...of course he was looking right at me and being the prideful, I-don't-need-help-from-anyone-person I am, I didn't say anything. Then he asked again. Still I said nothing. Then he looked straight at me and asked again, I started crying and he said, "Let's go ahead and do it Sister." Welp needless to say he gave me a blessing and I felt a lot better. It was a very tender, humbling experience for me and I realized that I most definitely cannot do this on my own. In the blessing he said something to the effect of, "Your Father in Heaven wants to help you and He is just waiting for you to call out to Him." BOOM. After that blessing I just couldn't believe how foolishly I have been acting. Of course I can't do it on my own! I do have a testimony that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know me personally and are always there to help, guide, support, and love me, but I really am trying to put my whole trust in them. I can accomplish nothing without the Spirit of the Lord as my constant companion. I still have a ton to learn, and I most definitely have not mastered this trust yet, but I am trying and every day I try harder to put my trust in my Father in Heaven, for He knows far more than I do. What a remarkable learning experience that was for me.
Anyways, that's pretty much how my week has gone, exhaustion, studying, learning, teaching, exhaustion, more studying, learning, teaching, oh yeah and eating. I swear all we do is study and eat! It's so strange. With the beautiful exception of gym time. I LOVE GYM TIME. you guys would be so proud, I was ballin' it up the other day with some other missionaries. I haven't played basketball in a long time but it felt so good! Dad, you would be impressed, my foul shot is b-e-a-utiful! I was shooting with about 90% accuracy from the foul line. Yeah, I don't know how that happened either ;) hah OH! and this Elder saw me playing, came over and asked me to teach him how to shoot haha. I am definitely not the best teacher when it comes to basketball pero I had the best teacher in the whole entire world (that's you daddy) so I guess I did pretty well. He made multiple shots in a row for the first time in his life and he even made some 3-pointers. Yeah, he'll play for the NBA someday and pay me lots of money for teaching him..maybe. hopefully. ha!
Also! I went to my first MTC devotional this week. It was wonderful! The spirit is so strong with all those missionaries in one place, singing, listening, and learning together. What a cool experience. I got to sing in the MTC choir which was a really neat experience as well. The director is amazing! Anyways, my spiritual thought for today is from hi,, the choir director. We were practicing for the performance and in between us singing he would share little thoughts and stories to make things more meaningful and interesting. We were singing a rendition of the hymn Sweet Hour of Prayer. Beautiful by the way, I loved it. So he was talking about how sometimes we allow ourselves to get distracted when we pray and then we snap back into reality and think "Oh whoops, I'm praying, oh well, umm I don't remember what I was saying so I'll just end it." He went on to talk about how foolish we are in allowing our minds to wander. We are literally talking to GOD. God, our Father in Heaven has given us this amazing gift and opportunity to pray directly to Him and we so often let ourselves get distracted, don't think sincerely about what we are saying, and repeat the same old same old prayers we have said everyday for our whole life. One thing he said that moved me to change how I pray is something to the effect of this, "Prayer is a one-on-one, face-to-face conversation with our Father in Heaven, with simply a veil in between you two." Wow. I had never really thought of prayer that way before but it is so true. I know that God is there for us and He is just on the other side of the veil, listening, loving, helping, and encouraging. He wants more than anything for us to reach out to Him so that He can pour down blessings upon us. I hope you guys will learn as I did from this and really strive to make your prayers more meaningful. You can talk to God. Use this gift at all times, and in all things, and in all places. He wants to hear from you because He loves you and wants to help you. :)
Last couple thoughts, Tagalog is coming along! I can now form my own sentences, pray more sincerely, and bear my testimony completely in Tagalog. Kaloob ng mga wika: Gift of tongues. Blessings from Heaven. Miracles are everywhere. Look for the good in every day. Be happy and smile LOTS! :) I love you all so much!
Mahal Kita!
Sister Emily Roderick
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